okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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