We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
