It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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