is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
