Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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