Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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