dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
be right there i have to get my cape
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
