Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
