There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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