The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
