I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize