Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
