Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
