I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
