I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
