He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
