Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
