If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
