Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
