i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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