Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
