If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
