she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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