I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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