I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
