i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
