I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
