So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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