i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
then he tried to convert me to islam
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
