1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
