Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
