May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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