you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize