she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
