He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
