please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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