Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
