I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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