he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
