If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
