i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
