Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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