I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
