someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
