i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So much Jack, so little girl.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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