He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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