haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
