I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
