when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize