isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
