we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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