rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
