life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
