i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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