This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
