You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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