how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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