is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
3 2 1 whiskey
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
