her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Blood and glitter go together right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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