i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
