Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
