my shit smells like andre
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my liver is dry heaving
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
