She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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