i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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