did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
