WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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