you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
