in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
