Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
