Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
