She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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