Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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