I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
