This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
