You're so nebulous sometimes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
