This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
